Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to the new TV’s Kyle album.
Yes, I realize that calling it “new” right here will become dated as soon
as I release another one, but I don’t… I don’t care.
Now folks, you may recognize some… in fact most of these songs from thefump.com
You may be asking “Kyle, isn’t normalizing that audio, fixing up one or two things, and recording a meta opening track just doing the bare minimum?”
No, my judgmental friend.
That’s the BEAR MAXIMUM.

Listen up all my motherlovin’ friends, let me tell you a tale.
There once was a bear ‘bout the size of a killer whale.
He was way too big to be kept in any zoo.
Yeah, he was bigger than me and bigger than most of you.

But this bear, my ladies and germs, he didn’t do much.
He didn’t swipe at fish of steal picnic baskets and such.
He used up all his gumption just being who he was.
A bucket of meat covered in a bucket of fuzz.

He may have done the bare minimum.
But he was theeeeeee

Bear maximum. (Bear maximum.)
That’s all the bear there is. He’s the
Bear maximum. (Bear maximum.)
A great big loafing whiz. He’s the
Bear maximum. (Bear maximum.)
The biggest one alive!
He ain’t no ursa minor.
He’s an ursa major guy.

Must admit, all my motherlovin’ friends, that I’ve said all the things.
And if this concept don’t have legs, it sure don’t have no wings.
I guess all I had was a verse and then a chorus’ worth of stuff.
But I’m a very busy man and I don’t want no guff.

So now I’ve let the verses lapse in to irrelevance.
And the chorus is’a coming, so I’m feeling kinda tense.
So let’s us all pretend that I did a great ol’ job.
Instead of all’a y’all turning into an angry mob.

I may have done the bare minimum.
But he was theeeeeee

Bear maximum. (Bear maximum.)
That’s all the bear there is. He’s the
Bear maximum. (Bear maximum.)
A great big loafing whiz. He’s the
Bear maximum. (Bear maximum.)
The biggest one alive!
He ain’t no ursa minor.
He’s an ursa major guy.

I’ll take this opportunity since I got the real estate.
To call to the stage someone wicked nitro great.
Her name is Lindszilla and she wants to hear you scream.
She’s every Kaiju boy’s lovely lizard dream!

(‘CAUSE SHE’S GOT THOSE)
Pretty dances. Pretty dances.
Lindsay’s got the pretty dances!
Pretty dances. Pretty dances.
Lindsay’s got the pretty dances!

Bear maximum. (Bear maximum.)
That’s all the bear there is. He’s the
Bear maximum. (Bear maximum.)
A great big loafing whiz. He’s the
Bear maximum. (Bear maximum.)
The biggest one alive!
He ain’t no ursa minor.
He’s an ursa major guy.

Pretty dances. Pretty dances.
Lindsay’s got the pretty dances!
Pretty dances. Pretty dances.
Lindsay’s got the pretty dances!
Pretty dances. Pretty dances.
Lindsay’s got the pretty dances!
Pretty dances. Pretty dances.
Lindsay’s got the pretty dances!